“It’s The Little Things”

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            Today just sucked massive balls!!!

            Let’s start at the beginning and move on from there. I know I am well known for airing my massive grievances to the world in general. For the most part I treat these horrible situations as the Earth shattering events they are. I know the fates of multiple dimensions are at stake in these moments and that Giants will eat Babies unless you read my insane missives.

            Today we will not be doing that.

            Today we are go9ng to be discussing the cavalcade of mundane and for the most part stupid bullshit I’ve had to deal with today. Although to be fair one of the things I will be mentions is far from stupid. So without further adieu let us jump right into the asinine day which has been Josh’s March 3, 2014!

 

Part 1: Waking Up

            Every morning I have to wake up at six in the morning and wake up two very lazy teenagers for school. If both of the said teenagers were capable of staying up this would not be much of a problem. Unfortunately while the boy child is up and moving like a well oiled machine the girl child is another matter all together.

            Have I mentioned my middle daughter to all of you before?

            I’m sure I’ve entertained you with tales of how much peace and serenity (the number one most irritating phrase my former stepmonster used to use until O wanted to dig my ear drums out with an ice pick) she’s sucked from my life since turning 14.

            My daughter is a lazy, whiny, and sarcastic human being. For the second year in a row my daughter has been ordered to appear before a juvenile magistrate for truancy. Now before you get on your high god’s damned horse let me point some shit out to you. First she was 16 the first time she was ordered to do this. Second she is now 17. Third she is woken up every morning and yells, kicks, and screams telling us she’s “Too Sick” to go school when in fact she waits until we go to bed and gets back up to cook, eat, and watch TV.

            We refuse to call her in when we don’t give her permission to stay home so she has to serve multiple detentions. Apparently she likes detention because it has never been sufficient motivation for her to get her ass out of the bed. And before you start telling me to take “This” from her and ‘That” from her all I can say is if you don’t think I’ve tried all of that you can go fuck yourself.

            Short of breaking the law we’ve tried everything.

            If you have a 17 year old girl and she does everything you ask without digging her heels in then Bully for you. You are one lucky fuck and you should be thanking the god I don’t believe in for your good fortune.

            So this morning I woke her up and then waited 25 minutes. When She was still planted firmly in the bed I told in the calmest voice I could muster that if she didn’t drag her carcass out from under her covers I was going to dump and entire tumbler of water on her face.

            A tumbler I did NOT even have.

            What I received for that was several minutes of my beloved daughter yelling a screaming at me.

            Oh the joy children bring, I recommend everybody have a dozen.

            Needless to say despite a few more hours of rolling and thrashing in bed I never actually got back to sleep. Thus my awesome day started out with a distinct lack of sleep.

 

Part 2: I Needs My Pills II

            After deciding my fight to wrestle the sandman to the ground and make him let me sleep I got up and began my day. Stomping my way down the stairs and grumbled and fussed as I entered the kitchen. I withdrew a can of iced tea from the refrigerator and retrieved my basket of medication from the top cabinet over the coffee maker.

            I keep the pills up there so The Bunny can’t get them but I’m pretty sure the little spider monkey may be able to shimmy up the downspouts and conquer the roof. That being said I may need to invest in an Al Gore-like lock box one of these days.

            Anyway I pulled the bottle of my diabetes meds out and choked the down. Then I grabbed the massive bottle containing my lithium, opened the “Child Proof” cap, and dumped it in my thick Solomon Grundy paw.

            There were no pills to be had.

            I’ve spoken at length in the past on my need for my pills. In fact I’ve hammered the point so hard that I am not going to rehash the point. But suffice it to say I was feeling pretty damn jittery and on edge by the time we left the house to first stop at the store and get said pills, and second go to… work.

            I did eventually get my pills so at least that was rectified. But not before I was already beginning to stress out. So yeah when the next act of out drama occurred I was already pissy.

 

Part 3: The Car

            We own a 2008 Chevrolet Cobalt. It’s actually my wife’s car but I love the damn thing. It has been the most reliable vehicle I’ve ever owned. However there has been one problem with the automobile.

            That would be the loan.

            When we bought the car BRAND NEW we were told we could have a 5 or 7 year loan. The difference between the two loans was $20.00 and I was all for the 5 year loan with the slightly higher payments. Unfortunately some person who will go unnamed wanted the lower payments stretched over 2 more years. So while if we’d done it my way the car would have been paid off last June we will still be paying on the fucking thing until June 2015!

            On the way to work the car died.

            I’m not going to go into the details of what happened because I’m not a car guy. My middle son, who is a car guy, has been looking at it with one of his friends all afternoon and he assures me they can fix it and for a hell of a lot less than what a garage would charge. That is a good thing and I trust the kid, he has an excellent mechanical head on his shoulders.

            But now we are carless until he fixes it.

            I’d like to kick a hobo!

 

Part 4: Some People Need to Be Slapped

            I got to work with minutes to spare thanks to the arrival of my son. Like I said he’s really a good kid even if I wanted to kill him 10 years ago. Like I said everyone needs a couple of teenagers… wanna buy one cheap?

            There is a guy in my department who is a little… unbalanced. Let’s call him Gregory. Gregory thinks he is going to be the one who will take Kelly’s place as the department supervisor. To this end he has been arguing with everyone on first shift and trying to impose his will on them. I’m not sure why they are taking it from him, yeah he’s an ass but I am convinced most of it is an act. Most of his bullshit hasn’t affected me since I am on second shift and everyone else id on first.

            That was until today.

            When I arrived today I found Gregory had rearranged the Housekeeping Office. It doesn’t matter that he is not the boss. It doesn’t matter that he had no authority to do this. It doesn’t matter that he probably wasted at least an hour of time he could have used on his actual job doing it. And it does not matter that there was nothing wrong with the way it was set up before and that it is actually now much less efficient.

            Gregory is a passive aggressive cock sucker who needs to be in charge.

            Yes I know it doesn’t actually affect me. I know it shouldn’t bother me. I know this has almost nothing to do with me. But it’s pissing me off! The damn manger, our “Oh So Wise Mountain Gorilla” needs to pick a fucking supervisor!!!

            Oh wait, she’s not doing that until mother fucking August!

 

            So that’s been my day. Add to that my right hand which is still giving me shits and fits and I am feeling ever so awesome.

            Really

            I’m serious

            Now would be a good time for one of you to bring me booze and some “Special” brownies.

 

 

            -Josh

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Josh Hilden

When I was born on August 3, 1976 in the great state of Michigan the hills shook and the sky was swept with fire. These were portents of the greatness for my future that was written in the stars ... I'm still waiting for that greatness. My name is Josh Hilden and I am many things. I am a husband, a father, a son, a friend. These are all important things but at my core I am an artist and the medium that I work in is words. I am a writer of Horror, Science Fiction, Drama, and Role Playing Games. I worked for Palladium Books (www.palladiumbooks.com) and Third Eye Games (www.thirdeyegames.net) before striking out on my own and founding a small press publishing company Gorillas with Scissors Press (www.gwspress.com). I also work for Fat Goblin Games (www.fatgoblingames.com). In the everyday world I can be found spending time with my family and friends. I have been married to my lovely wife Karen since 1996 and we have six amazing children. We tend to be a family of unabashed geeks and gamers who were geek before geek was chic. If you are really interested in me I am very active online with a personal and a writing blog along with a plethora of social media outlets. If you have any questions or just want to chat hit me up!