I acknowledge I am not a good person. I am well aware of how messed up my moral and ethical compass is. What do I mean? I am petty, I am vengeful, I am jealous, and I am lazy. Hell, I wrote an entire short book on my personal flaws (pick it up on Amazon for cheap!), so I am clearly old friends with them. Let me give you the prime example of how fucked up my moral compass is. I would rather wish a person dead than wish they lose their jobs (note, politicians, are exempt from this. If they lose their jobs they are either in jail or lost an election).
You read that right.
In my mind, it is better to leave a person I hate gainfully employed because they may have people counting on their income to survive. That my wishing them to lose employment and potentially hurt children is too much guilt for me to deal with.
Please let me be clear. I don’t believe wishing or praying does a damn thing. All it does is help comfort people, which is a legit reason to respect the practice, but in the end, it’s nothing more than endless navel-gazing.
But I would still feel guilty.
Dead is different.
Before I explain the difference in my mind let’s clarify something.
THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD I WISH I COULD KILL AND THEY DIED YEARS AGO THEREFORE I WILL NEVER HAD JUSTICE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT TO MURDER (DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY) ANYONE I WISH DEAD. THAT I EVEN HAVE TO PUT THIS GLARING DISCLAIMER IN MY ESSAY PISSES ME OFF.
In my mind when I wish someone dead, they cease to exist. They become a nonentity. They have been removed from this reality. How does this jibe with my desire not to harm the children they may be supporting? If they die, then there may be life insurance, and for minors, there’s Social Security if they lose a parent.
Yeah I know it’s fucked up, but that’s a glimpse into how my mind works.
What’s the point in all of this?
I have been working since I was fourteen years old. My first job was at a small local grocery store in my home town of Wayne Michigan. I made three dollars an hour to stock shelves, count returnable bottles and cans, and clean the store three days a week. It wasn’t a good job, and it wasn’t a bad job. It was a job with a simple worker/employer contract. I worked, minded my P’s and Q’s, and act like a complete jackass. In return, my bosses treated me well and paid me on time.
Silly me, I thought that was how things were supposed to be.
After that, I moved on to a plethora of other jobs. From fast food to security guard to housekeeping and maintenance I feel comfortable in saying I have a diverse and sometimes interesting work background. But in all my years I’ve been working one thing has never happened. I have never been fired from a job before.
Today, for the first time in my multi-spectrum working life, I was terminated.
I don’t want to retype it all it was at the end of my last essay. So, for reader convenience, I will clip that section and dd it here
I made it to the end of the year and received my own building to run. I was happy. I like the building and the people in it. Then on Monday, January 7, 2019, it all crashed in on me. My boss arrived at the building at 9:45 am and told me I was being permanently removed from the building and suspended from the company without pay.
What was my horrible crime?
Was I running a bootleg cigarette ring at the facility (there really is one there)?
Was I using the job as a front to refound COBRA and beat those damn Joes once and for all?
No, but damnit that’s a good idea.
No, what I did was make two videos on my YouTube channel almost five years ago where I complain about my job without naming any names or locations and wax philosophical about the fantastic sex lives of the active elderly.
I was then told someone at the building I was working in. I think I know who, did a deep google dive on me and that’s the worst they could find. But apparently, it was enough to get me booted from the building. Why would this person want this? Your guess is as good as mine, but I suspect it’s because the person who left the building was extremely well loved by the staff. Even though her going was a bump up for her, it was enough for them to wreck my financial stability.
Where do I stand now?
No idea. I text my boss every day for an update and when he responds, he sometimes just ignores me, he knows nothing. He keeps saying he’s waiting to hear back from Human Resources, but I’m starting to think that might be bullshit. So, this weekend, this very day even, I’m rewriting my resume and starting the job hunt again.
The update came at 11:00 am today. After eight days of being left hanging I was abruptly terminated. Their reason was laughable. I was not repentant for what I’d done, and therefore they can’t trust me.
I can’t detail what comes next, but I will tell you it involves a lawyer. I honestly doubt anything will come of it. Ohio, where I live, is one of the “Right to Work” states. Basically, that means unless you have union protections you can pretty much be fired for anything. But I am going to make a go of it, I have an ace hidden somewhere which might amount to nothing, but it COULD give me some leverage.
So here I stand, or sit as the case may be, I am forty-two, unemployed, fired for the first time in my life, and more pissed than I’ve been since 2008 (that’s a whole other kettle of fish). Depending on how much this will cost me out of pocket I have zero fucks left to give.
I don’t want them dead.
I want them unemployed, homeless, and living under a bridge.
- Josh (1/15/2019)