Happy Birthday America

Happy 4th of July, Happy Independence Day (Suck it KG3), and Happy Birthday to the United States of America. Today the USA is 240 years old. Yes I know the exact date is up for debate, and we’ll ignore how long it took to ratify the constitution after we shitcanned the Articles of Confederation. At two hundred and forty years old we’re still a relatively young nation compared to the old European and Asian nations, but we’ve accomplished a lot in a short amount of time.

I bet you think I’m about to start bagging on America and listing everything bad we’ve ever done. I could do that, and the list would be long and depressing. To tell the truth and shame the devil—we’ve done a lot of shitty things as a nation. But the truth is there isn’t a single nation, society, or civilization in the history of the world that doesn’t have its fair share of dark secrets and slimy corners. Although unlike many other societies we are free to air our dirty laundry and expose the vermin to the harsh light of day, at least until President Trump makes us great again.

I think I just threw up a little.

And this is not in any way a criticism of the other free nations. I have great respect and love for many of the peoples and nations of the world. Except you Canada, you’re not real, you’re a made up nation and I refuse to admit you exist… until you let me live in your cool, peaceful northern paradise.

We are a chimera of a nation—a thousand different ingredients stewed together to make something new and powerful. We don’t have the shared history of Europe, India, or China to name a few. We don’t have a single religion or philosophy to intertwine and bind us together like a space-age polymer. We have no single native language which forces us to work hard when it comes to communicating with one another.

This, in my mind, is a good thing.

Don’t get me wrong Americans can be braying, boastful, bullying jackasses. But when bad things happen – that we aren’t responsible for at least – we are some of the first to try and help. Yeah, we fuck that help up sometimes, but damnit the American people try and not because they want something in return – that’s our good for nothing government, and we’re coming for you very soon you leeches – but because most of us believe that helping is the right thing to do. In America, we aspire to be better and at the same time openly examine our flaws—this is a great thing.

Happy Birthday America, I love you.

-Josh