Screw The SSA

The last time I held a non-writing-related job was May 2019.

Why is that?

Well, unless you’re new to my social media footprint, or you know me but have been living in a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears while humming a show tune, I’m here to tell you I have some serious mental issues.

Back in the long, long ago of 1993, I was diagnosed as Bipolar. Although back then, it had the awesome (not) tagline of manic depressive disorder (I think). I spent two weeks in the nut hatch after a failed suicide attempt. The place did me some good. For instance, the therapists and counselors there confirmed a belief I’d had for years that my first stepmother was a passive-aggressive manipulative bitch.

Those were good times.

After that, I managed to keep all of my marbles in the bag. I graduated, moved to Ohio, met the Spoose, built a family, and had a complete nervous breakdown and declared bankruptcy in the summer of 2005.

Hence, suicide attempt number two.

After that, the Sppose and I almost broke up. We abandoned our house and moved, and she made me start taking my mental health seriously. I took my meds and had them adjusted over the years before having a second breakdown in May of 2019. On that wonderful day, I spent almost an hour sitting on the janitor closet’s floor crying and shaking because the idea of moping a hall set off so much anxiety it crippled me.

It was awful.

I quit my job that night, and the week after that, I filed for SSA disability benefits. Following that, I got a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder, PTSD, and extreme anxiety. With that diagnosis, I started a new medication regime.

For the next four years, with a lawyer, I went through the SSA process.

I was denied at every turn.

After a few months, at the beginning of 2023, I reapplied for benefits.

I was denied.

I appealed the decision.

I received the decision in the appeal last week. And let's just keep laying the layers of bad news this year. I have officially been denied my SSA disability for the 5th time. I reached a place where I wondered, what's the point when you can't provide for your family anymore?

The Spoose took me to task.

After a week or so following the denial, we made the decision to get another disability lawyer. You know, a good one, instead of one that stands there like a limp piece of boiled celery, letting the government lawyers beat up on me. I'm not saying he was working against my interests, but I'm not not saying it either. Phone calls Monday.

Maybe round number six will do the trick.

- Josh (10/04/2023)