Cravings

Three o’clock in the morning is a bad time to decide you want ice cream. But that was what my very pregnant sister decided she wanted. I woke up to the sound of the Star Trek theme song erupting from my phone. When I picked up my sister April was on the other end begging me to run to the grocery store and get her a quart of rocky road.

If it’d been anyone except my baby sister I would have told them to go to hell. But it was April so I told her to give me half an hour and I would have it to her.

I arrived at the corner 24 hour market dressed in a t-shirt, slippers, and Scooby Doo bed pants. The cashier, a fat pimply faced kid, made a comment about my “Cool Threads” as I dug out my wallet, dropped a ten on the counter, and took my purchase out the door to my car.  The little old lady behind me stepped up and asked for a pack or wraps as I crossed the threshold.

That made me smile. Good on her.

The roads were completely empty, which was the norm for central Ohio in the middle of fall on an early Wednesday morning. It was a ten minute drive to April’s house from the market and I planned on getting a shower there and then catching a nap on her couch.

At first I didn’t notice the head lights.

I cranked the radio to that stupid “Radioactive” song. Don’t ask me why I like it I just do. I was drumming my fingers on the steering wheel when I finally caught the glint of fast approaching light in my rear view mirror.

“What the fuck?” I muttered. The vehicle had to be a big one because there were four sets of high intensity halogen bulbs blinding me.

And it was flying. I was already doing 50 mph in a 40 zone and this machine making a beeline for my rear end was barreling down on me.

Putting my foot down on the gas I pushed my rickety old POS over the 60 mark, I became concerned when the front end began to shimmy and I needed to fight the wheel to stay balanced.

My heart was beginning to hammer.

Then the vehicle behind me began flashing it’s lights and honking its horn.

I put the gas pedal all of the way to the floor and was amazed when I managed to get my car to the 80 mark. I started laughing like a loon when the engine light on my dashboard lit up and tendrils of smoke began to pour from under the hood.

“NO NO NO!” I screamed as I stared to lose power and speed.

The flashing of lights and horn honking continued as I allowed my dying steed to drift to the gravel shoulder. Frantically I searched for some kind of weapon. There was nothing.

I rolled to a complete stop … my pursuer pulled up behind me.

Taking a deep breath and attempting to calm my jack hammering heart I opened the door and stepped out to confront my pursuer. I hoped that maybe if I offered to suck his dick he might not kill me.

Yeah I said that.

Standing in the chilly morning air I could now see that my antagonist was a massive custom pickup truck painted black, tinted windows, and massive lights. The driver side door opened and I tensed to either fight or run.

A shadowy figure stepped down and in my terror they were 25 feet tall with horns and a tail.

“What do you want?” I demanded in a terrified squeaky voice.

“Young man, you dropped you wallet on the market floor.” The old woman said stepping in front of the lights.

END