Goodbye Grandma

What follows is the Twitter chronicle of my Grandmothers illness, passing, and some of the aftermath. There is no final closure in these Tweets because that’s not how the world works. Fair warning these Tweets are not edited. I present them exactly as they were written.

They took my grandma (who raised me) to the hospital yesterday in an ambulance. I spent the afternoon in the ER with the Spoose, waiting for information. My little brother arrived from Columbus. Grandpa, who'd gone home for a couple of hours, came back. They took her to surgery for severe abdominal issues at 630pm, and she was in recovery by 1030pm. I'm returning to the hospital after getting the youngest girl off to school. It's going to be a long day. I am so freaked out.

-March 13, 2023

Grandma Update: She's been extubated, and they woke her up. She's aware and answers questions, but her throat is swollen, so we're limiting her talking. The doctor had positive things to say, so we're all optimistic I was there from 9am to 1pm. Now I am home resting. I will be going back when the Spoose gets home from work. It'll probably be a long night.

-March 13, 2023

Grandma is critical. She coded for ten minutes before.the resucitated her. It looks dire.

-March 16, 2023

Grandma is in emergency surgery. They're running her bowel and exploring the area. They're unsure what's going on.

-March 16, 2023

Grandma update. She made it through emergency surgery without issues and is under sedation for the next two days in the ICU. Her doctors are cautiously optimistic, but I am keeping my guard up. I've heard that she will be ok more than once already.

-March 16, 2023

Once more I've been at the hospital all morning. She's still critical but they're weaning her off the sedation right now. Hopefully things go better this te than they did yesterday. ❤️

-March 17, 2023

I'm so tired of hospitals.

-March 17, 2023

There are a lot of people here I don't know, or don't like, or have had no contact with in over a decade.

-March 17, 2023

They put her back on the ventilator and resedated her. When they let her breathe on her own her O2 stats went into the 60s.

-March 17, 2023

Just got back from spending all morning at the Hospital ICU. There's no real change in grandma’s status. They don't plan on stopping sedation and removing the breathing tube until tomorrow at the earliest.

-March 18, 2023

They brought in a neurologist who ordered a CT scan and, depending on what she sees, a continuous EEG. This scares me. Alzheimer's and Dementia run in the family, and Grandma has always been terrified of losing her cognitive abilities. Her mind was sharp as a razor before all of this. There's no telling what she'll be like when she wakes up... if she wakes up.

-March 18, 2023

Final grandma update of the night (unless something terrible happens). The neurologist had a serious talk with the kids (my aunts and uncles) and laid it out. We already knew this is really bad, but some people didn't want to admit it. The hospital finally found her DNR they miss filed (they need to be sued for that, IMO) and added to her jacket. If the tube comes out, it NEVER goes back in. She shouldn't have been intubated in the first place. I'll be heading back up in the morning, and for those who care, I'll keep updating you.

-March 18, 2023

Not so much a grandma update but a Josh update. I was doing okay here at the hospital until the extended family arrived. I fled to another waiting area (surgical instead of the ICU) as soon as possible. I love my family, mostly, but I don't need to listen to a pack of ultra-right-wing, judgemental Christian MAGAts spout their views. They aren't forcing them on me. I just don't need to hear it. Especially now. Besides, they've completely taken over the ICU's small waiting room.

-March 19, 2023

I am spent. I've been at the hospital every day since Grandma was admitted. I'd do this every day for a month if it meant she was getting better, but that said, I'm so tired. I'll return to my post in the waiting room at 9am tomorrow.

-March 19, 2023

I'm back at the hospital. There's no improvement and the Doctors are concerned.

-March 20, 2023

The longer this goes on the worse my Grandfathers dementia gets.

-March 20, 2023

I just want the thank the racist family sharing the ICU waiting room with us. You help confirm my disappointment with humanity.

-March 20, 2023

Home from the hospital. No changes to grandma's condition. I'll be back in the morning.

-March 20, 2023

Of course, I'll be going to sit with grandma tomorrow. I won't miss a day until she's out of the woods... or it's over. But I have a bunch to do that I've been putting off before I go. So, it looks like an afternoon visit. I only worry that something will happen while I'm not there.

-March 20, 2023

Back from another long day at the hospital. Grandma is doing a little bit better. She's keeping her eyes open and squeezing people's hands. It might be a reflex, but it might indicate she's aware. The big question now is how badly her brain was affected by the 10 minutes without blood flow. We'll have to wait and see. I'm still worried. And now we have to deal with my grandfather's mind decompiling in front of us. He had a lucid moment today and told me his mind was going and that he knew how bad it was. I wanted to cry.

-March 21, 2023

I'm not going to the hospital today. I woke up with a sore throat and an ache in my right ear. I'm 85% sure it's because of the weather. But considering Grandma is in the ICU, I'd rather not take the chance of getting her, or another patient, sick. I feel bad about not seeing her today, I haven't missed a day before today, but it is what it is.

-March 22, 2023

Back at my post in the hospital. Her stomach is swelling again and they're not sure why. Other than that her condition is unchanged.

-March 23, 2023

Grandma Update - She's doing better. They have stopped the fentanyl and reduced her to a less powerful painkiller. She's awake, alert, and aware. The doctors plan on removing the breathing tube in a few hours, but they might hold off until tomorrow morning. Her mental status remains a giant question mark, but I am thrilled with her progress.

-March 23, 2023

Been at the hospital since 10am. Everyone in the family is talking about her like she's already gone. ☹️

-March 24, 2023

Back from visiting grandma. The news from the doctor and the nurses (whose opinions I trust more) is mixed. Some things seem to be better, some are the same, and some are worse. The doctor won't make a prediction, but the nurses seem worried. Needless to say, I'm wiped out, but I'll be back at my post in the ICU waiting room tomorrow.

-March 24, 2023

Been at the hospital all day. They are bringing her off sedation again. They're looking to take her off of the event soon. With the reinstated DNR, they won't be able to hook it back up.

-March 26, 2023

I'm unsure how long I'm going to stay today. She's barely awake, and I doubt she's aware that people are in her room and talking to her. We spoke with one of the doctors, and he said they might take her off of the vent sometime tomorrow. It's scary because, as I said earlier, it doesn't come back on once the vent is off. She either breathes on her own, or she doesn't.

-March 26, 2023

She pulled her tube out earlier today (3pm-ish), and because of her DNR, it was not reinserted. Now we want for the end.

-March 26, 2023

She made it through the night without life support. My grandfather thinks she's improving, but that's his dementia talking. 💔 Hopefully, she will let go soon. I can't stand the idea that she's suffering while fighting to stay alive. 😢

-March 27, 2023

(Grandma died that day. I didn't Tweet it. I was too bereft.)

All the details for my grandma's viewing/memorial/burial have been hammered out. My little brother, my uncle, and several other family members did a masterful job handling the details. Everything is a go on Friday and Saturday. I can't wait until this is over, and I can grieve.

-March 29, 2023

Went to see my grandfather and my brother. He's the rock carrying most of the load these last two (going on three) weeks. Mom lives there, but she didn't come up from her room to see me. That's fine. She does that all of the time. About an hour into my visit, my middle brother (the one I couldn't care less about) showed up from Michigan with his wife. I told my baby brother I was leaving, and he APPEARED to be upset. He very well might have been, I tend to project in times of stress, but it seemed that way. The topper on the visit was while I was getting ready to go. Mom got up, I assume because my middle brother was there. The sad part is that all they do is fight, but she still keeps putting herself out there. I don't understand my family.

-March 30, 2023

Depression has finally taken over. It's approaching the three-week point (Sunday) since the dark odyssey began, and I think I've held it together pretty well until this point. But today's events have nudged me just far enough to the edge that I feel empty and sad. Two more days left, then I can let go and get this out of me.

-March 30, 2023

Today is the first day of two. Tonight (5pm) is the family viewing. I really don't want to do this. I've already said goodbye.

-March 31, 2023

I made it through the main viewing yesterday. Today is a short viewing. I'll attend because my oldest and his wife will be there, and he might need his dad. I hope I'm not being presumptuous. After the viewing, we drive to the grave for the burial ceremony. Finally, there's the memorial, and I'm done with this. I can let go and grieve in private. I will say this. I saw a lot of my family I hadn't seen in years, and it was actually nice.

-April 01, 2023

It's done. I went to the second viewing, the services, the burial, and the memorial. Now I'm home, and I feel... empty. I know it's supposed to be better for coping after the rituals are finished. But all I feel is hollow. Maybe tomorrow or maybe next week.

-April 01, 2023

Woke up at 5am. I've been looking through family photos. I have to say this about my grandmother's passing, I realized I like my family more than I thought I did... for the most part.

-April 02, 2023

Went to visit my mom today, and I was greeted with a surprise. My grandfather, who was supposed to be in Michigan with his daughters, was there. I visited for a bit, and my mom told me his daughter brought him back last night. Halfway through my visit, her husband called to check on Grandpa. After that, he talked to me and explained what happened. Grandpa kept leaving their house, wanting to go home. Since they had no legal ability to make him stay, they took him home. Later the medics showed up. Grandpa's son had called in a wellness check from Georgia. I appreciate what his children are doing, I have no idea what I'd do, but something has to be done. I know they agree with me, but they need to change tactics. Sorry for my bitching. I'm just frustrated.

-April 04, 2023

All joking aside, today is tough for me. We did three holidays (Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) at Grandma's every year. We're hosting Easter this year, and while I'm thrilled to see all my kids and grandkids in one place, it feels wrong. I know I'll mostly get used to the new normal, but it'll feel like everything is crooked and wrong for the rest of my life.

-April 09, 2023

Do you guys wanna hear something funny? Lately, I learned my extended family has a family group here on BookFace. I searched and searched for it, then I had another family member pull it up and try to add me to it. They could not. Apparently, and I could be wrong about this, but I find that very doubtful. I am blocked from it. Do you know what? I'm not even mad. If anything, I'm amused. I have zero ideas why I'm blocked, although I have my suspicions, but it is what it is. What it is, is petty. Also, I'm well aware of the irony in my blocking my family from seeing this.

-April 12, 2023

I've been holding it together for a month (the length of her sickness and the time since her funeral), but it's finally hit me. My old friend is back. Let's see how long that SOB sticks around this time.

-April 12, 2023

It's been a messed up couple of weeks. So brace yourself. I am going to vent. First, you need to know that my grandfather has declined severely since my grandma died. The "plan" after my grandmother's funeral was for my grandfather's biological children (technically my step-grandfather). Still, as I reported in an earlier post, they bailed, claiming they can't make him do what he doesn't want to do. This is ABSOLUTELY true but is also being used as a blanket to cover inaction. This has left my mother to take care of him alone. My mom has issues. She suffers from chronic pain, Bipolar type 1 (thanks, mom), PTSD, and is a recovering (?) drug addict. My mom and my grandfather have been fighting more often than not. I've been there for some of it, and it amounts to Mom trying to tell him what he's saying is wrong (bad idea) and my grandpa yelling at her that she's a liar (also a bad idea). The night before last, it came to a head. My mom told him he could not drive anymore (she is 100% correct), and my grandfather blew his top. He told her to leave, then he said he was leaving, took the Jeep, and disappeared for hours. After getting family and the police involved, my grandfather stayed overnight at a friend's house. Fast forward to this morning, and I received a call from Mom asking if she could stay a few days with us. I said yes (so did the Spoose) and waited for her to call for me to get her. Three hours later, I called, and she said she wasn't sure what she wanted to do and would let me know later. That's fair. I'm not mad. I have to give my mom a ton of credit (I know, I'm scared, too). She has been my dementia-addled grandfather's only caregiver for weeks. I have no idea what comes next. All I know is I'm scared.

-April 20, 2023

And, as of April 24, 2023, we are at a standstill. Nothing new has happened and the effort to help my grandfather is semi stalled. My baby brother and mother are doing all they can, but they are only two people (My brother lives 1.5 hours away). My mom has her own problems on top of being the primary caregiver, has stretched her to her limits. The family is pulling together but it’s hard on all of us.

- Josh (04/23/2023)