This Is The Day

Today is the day.

The anniversary of the worst day of my life.

Three years ago today, there was a knock on my door, the knock every parent is terrified of. A police sergeant stood on my porch with that look on his face. The one that says he is so sorry before he says a word. I already knew what he was going to say.

I just didn't know the details.

(I will not share the details because, even now, they are too painful.)

In short, he told me my son had killed himself.

After a discussion where I managed to keep it together, I told the officer I would tell my Spouse, who was at work. It needed to come from me, and not a stranger.

The drive to her job went by in a blur. I don't remember the drive. I was hyper-focused on telling her.

Long story short, I told her, and she had a breakdown in her office. Telling her is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

We went home and made the phone calls. I ended up having to pay to find the phone number of her POS ex-husband because they were both his next of kin, and he needed to sign off on releasing the body to the funeral home.

That night, somewhere around two in the morning, I broke down and let it all out.

Today is the third anniversary of the worst day of my life.

- Josh (04/23/2023)